Reflections of a week's vacation

I'm just finishing a week long vacation because I had to eat up some paid time off days that I had at work. I was hoping to have interviewed or progressed with my State Farm thing, but to no avail. I realize that I need to wait on God's timing, though, and I figure that if I get done what I need to get done when I need to do it, then I'll be doing my part, and should be content with that. I just need to research well, and make sure that I am prepared to go through an interview, and will be good to go.

We are making plans to move into the Muncie-Indy area of IN, and all of that is dependent on getting that job at State Farm. But at the same time, Mark is laying the ground work with Ryan to start their own business building Ultima GTRs. That's been Mark's dream car for a while, and they already have the price list down for that and they're putting together a business plan for a bank to loan them the money. I think they should also look into grants that they may be entitled to.

I guess a lot of people are feeling the bug to own and run their own business. I just spoke to my brother L and he has been seriously considering running his own martial arts studio, which I wholly encouraged him to do. I also went on a long soap box sermon about it, but I definitely emphasized that we are of entrepreneurial stock and were definitely hardwired to seek business ownership. I'll be praying for him about that.

This week went by way too quickly, but it was nice to feel human again and just hang out and not have to worry about every minute of my day. Nor worry about being productive every minute of the day. But I know the novelty would soon wear out for boredom, which is why I want to seek an occupation where I am happy to go into work, because it's mine and am accountable to it, and profit from it. Oh, Mark thinks that I should also formulate body care and face care items because I'm so passionate about certified organic and all-natural type things (of course, I indulge in main stream things from time to time, but as a rule, I feel they're poison); I would sell it from a website, and need to network with organic/health type places, but overall, he thinks I'd be successful in doing that too. I think if I were to pursue that, I would need to do it now before mega corporations bastardize the concept of organic, and would be part time, third in line to State Farm and writing.

I've recently been thoroughly engaged with Crown Financial Ministries teachings because I've been convicted to tithing, since Mark and I don't have a church we regularly attend. I know that we would need to tithe to a place where we get spiritual help and healing, but at the same time, i always feel like such a visitor at a church that I haven't felt comfortable giving my tithes there. I would give to missions offerings, or love offerings, etc, but I don't equate that really to tithes, which are obviously a testimony of trusting God, and acknowledging that he owns everything in this earth, etc. It's funny that I've always known about tithing, but never really thought it was important as all that, so I've established a savings account that's attached to my checking account that I deposit my tithes into, so that when Mark and I are settled, we can give that money to the church/missions.

A relatively new book that churches are reading, Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, has been making its way to me through Janae, Mark's mom (her church just finished a Bible study on it) and L and Emily, who gave it to Mark and me for our anniversary. I find it sad that this book can speak to so many people, because their marriages are so random and devoid of proper communication, but the principles of the book (and I mean the overall general principles, not necessarily how they are presented) are at least applicable, if not very "duh" in its simplistic-ness. (I didn't want to say simplicity, because that would imply a concise elegance to an otherwise made more-complex-than-is-necessary book. I mean, who doesn't know that we need to treat each other respectfully, and that we need to live in a manner that is pleasing to God and therefore treat each other as we would expect to be treated by Christ (who ate supper with traitors and washed the feet of those who would both betray him and deny him, and, oh yeah, sacrificed himself for an undeserving people). It's sad seeing that people can understand unconditional love (or at least give lipservice to unconditional love) but not also put unconditional respect toward that. I mean, the whole of Christianity revolves around grace, the concept of undeserved reward; that principle should also inform the way we need to treat and love one another, wouldn't you agree? At least, that's my over generalized understanding of it. I guess I just don't understand how people can be married to someone, claim that they know their spouse loves them, but not if their spouse likes them. oh well.

Hopefully by next week, I will learn if I get to interview with State Farm. I will be praying that I will live up to the challenge of preparing for this position and interview well for it.

Sharpen the Saw

Sometimes I wonder at peoples' priorities in life. For example, I made a casual remark at work that I divide my two days off that I get each week in such a way that one day is my errand and catch up day and the other day off is purely relaxation. My one associate who heard me say that ended up commenting: "Relaxation, what's that?" I understand that other people are busy, or at least like to think they're busy. But, I have two comments to that. One is, don't mistake activity for results. The second, if one wants to be the most effective person possible, one needs to sharpen the saw. (Thank you Steve Covey for Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) :). So many people want to make others feel guilty for having time for rest and relaxation, saying that they have no time to do that, etc. Time management needs to be about balance: to be able to do all those activities, one needs to be strong enough and healthy enough to accomplish all those. I guess that's why so many people need all those self-help books in time management and the like. They don't make time for rejuvenation. Just like in budgeting, one needs to budget in "misc" items, or work in "cheat days" for dieting. One needn't feel guilty about it, because it is scheduled in and is non-negotiable time restorative time. This concept also works with prevention and health/medecine: an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. That same principle should also go into a person's time, and even more so. God has designed the human body to be able to heal itself, even after a period of great stress. However, we can never get our time back, so one must guard that vigilantly against waste. So, I always remind myself that even though I may not necessarily be active at the moment or busy-seeming, the amount of productivity that will result in my moment's rest and meditation will be even more tremendous.

Weekending midweek :)

One of the fun things about retail is getting days off in the middle of the week. Otherwise, I wouldn't be in Indiana right now, enjoying free WiFi at a Comfort Suites. The reason for that, I'll have to expand upon in a few months. I just know I feel more hopeful about my future, even though I have a lot of work to get done between now and June 16.
Until then, I'm excited that I get another tax return this year, thanks to the help of my dad with doing my taxes. I guess I could have done that, but it really was a big stressor off my shoulders. Mark and I plan on banking the return, maybe save it for Maui if all goes well with why I'm here in Indiana.
Well, Mark and I are off to Olive Garden. Yummy!

Happy Birthday, Mark!

It's my honey's birthday! Yay! :) May God bless us with many more :)

There's no place like home

I had a great time with my family in California, but I really appreciate being home; at the very least, I appreciate familiarity.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I admit that I don't really know the true story of St. Patrick. I only know that he returned to Ireland, where he once lived as a slave, eventually driving away the old religion (the "snakes" that everyone refers to) to establish Christianity. The interesting thing is that God placed him in the circumstance that he needed to be in to learn about Druidic traditions (his slavemaster was a Druid priest (?)) and know the language perfectly. Patrick needed to be in that place of misery to better learn and communicate to a people who needed to know God.
I recently read another Dean Koontz book where it describes the interconnectedness of everyone on this planet, and the influences someone can effect without ever knowing it. In the book, whenever someone made a less worthy choice in life, that choice spawned another universe-that-could-have-been-and-at-the-same-time-does-exist, causing a multiplicity of universes. To sum up that epic of a book would be insufficient in a few fleeting sentences, but I say all that because I have been encountering a theme recently where I've been made to realize that every choice I make needs to be the best choice made within the center of God's will. I am living within a minute instance within the span of my life and of God's whole creation, and even though I don't know that end result right now, and may never know this side of heaven, I know that God is working all things for good. I just need to remember that investing in people/relationships is to show the true religion of service that God intended for me to accomplish; to live as a little Christ in this the best of all possible worlds.
"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world." James 1:27

Thought and Intent

I read an article this morning which, though thought-provoking, seemed a bit "out there" for me to completely embrace. This article talks about being able to predict one's future because of thought or intent; it focused on changing defeatist thought patterns into positive ones. So far so good. Not much different from any other contemporary philisophy. However, the aspect of someone having thoughts (positive or negative) going out to the Universe (yes, capital "U") as energy waves, which become multiplied, and rebound back to that person, seems far-fetched. I can almost see a caricature of Negativity, as an unrelenting tsunami wave crashing into an unnamed shore and knocking over a random beachcomber, who somersaulting in the tumult, claws at the sand frantically, while unceasing "energy waves" pummel into him, wiping his face into the sand. I haven't read enough on this subject to have a true opinion, or judge its biblical-ness. I just have my good old-fashioned cynicism.

At any rate, Carol Tuttle, who dubs herself a Master Energy Therapist, says that when clients of hers dwell on negative thoughts, they are actually setting themselves up for failure. Instead of dwelling on negative thoughts, (a defense mechanism for expecting the worst or planning for the worst or not feeling so let down/crushed when the worst happens), one should ask oneself: "Why do I think that of myself? Why am I creating that for myself?" And then, follow with: "What do I have to learn from it? If the ideal thing happened in this situation, what would it look like?" I like how these questions are very practical, and do tend to focus a person toward a positive outcome. So, instead of planning for the worst, which is not such a practical foresight as it seems, one should look for the ideal in a situation, and work toward that end. That process is not unlike modeling the behaviors of successful people to become successful. In this way, she posits that a person can actually predict his or her own future.

Tuttle states in the article that I can be a predictor of my own future because I intend my future to happen. She claims that, "The greatest power we have in avoiding the worst is to intend for the best to happen." In the basic reading of that premise, I agree with it because I understand that my actions dictate where I'm going, what I'm doing, and my actions are controlled by thoughts. So, what I think, and intend, I would most likely follow through. For example, on a daily basis I have a checklist of things to do, and I purpose for myself to always do those things. But, in my mind I can envision them as finished tasks, because I have done those tasks before and am confident in being able to finish them, and also because that is what my job requires of me. In the same way, I need to extrapolate that into my life goals: have a checklist of things to do that are seemingly surmountable because of a true evaluation of my capabilities, and accomplishing those tasks as if they were required of me.

So, for the most part, the practicality of just replacing negative thoughts to positive ones are very valid, and at the very least, has allowed me to evaluate my traits, goals, etc, and realize that the goals I currently have are definitely achievable and I shouldn't feel arrogant or boastful to claim that. All the extras about energy waves, and the capital "U" Universe, seems silly and works only to detract from the otherwise practical process.

"If your will is aligned with God's will, and you really believe, and believe it can happen, it will."

P.S.
I thought this reading was serendipitous in my life right now, but I can't outline what my ideal situation is on this format, though I have written it out fully in my journal, which is why I invest in them :) I can secret away future plans that may rock the boat, but have made peace with already.

An End of a Week

Time is flying incredibly fast, but I guess that just works out for my benefit. The only thing I hate about it is that I have all these great intentions of working out everyday, but because of my erratic work schedule, it becomes every other day or three times a week. That's still good, don't get me wrong, but not when I want to make substantial gains in a specified amount of time. I remember in college when I dropped significant inches/weight/body fat in 5 weeks because I had the schedule that allowed me to eat 5 small meals a day and have free access to Cybex equipment at a faculty fitness gym with Mark for two hours a day every day of the week. I had a routine; an environment set up for success. I have some weights here and a treadmill, so that's good, but I don't have all the weights that I would like, neither do I have the freedom of grazing throughout the day like I did. I think I also had more dedication because at the end of every week, Mark and I would calculate our body fat with the underwater weighing scale, which is the gold standard of body fat measurement. Knowing that I was going to go through the hassle of weighing myself (it was a very uncomfortable piece of equipment), motivated me to exercise and be disciplined so at least it was worth it. I lost a percentage of body fat per week, at least. The best I measured at was 17%, but that could have been a fluke, since after that I plateaued at 18-19% for a while, which is still fantastic for me. Now, I'd be lucky if I measure in at 25% body fat.
Having an "end of a week" is both a blessing and a curse. Weekly measurements really help me to gauge progress, but at the expense of being able to enjoy the moment. It helps to count down to important dates (going on vacation, the next paycheck, etc), but not make each day count. I look forward to each of my days off of work, and really milk them because I don't have a guarantee that I will have another full day off in a while. For example, last Tuesday was my only day off last week, because I had to cover someone else's shift on Thursday. I ended up having a half day on Wed and Thursday, but still, it's not the same as having another complete day off of work. To top it off, the previous day off I had was the Tuesday before. I've worked 6-10 days straight before, and told this new manager that I never appreciated that, so she had respected my wishes for 7 months. However, the nature of retail sometimes makes my preference impossible, which I can understand. So long as she doesn't make this odd scheduling a habit. If this happens again next month, I'll be sorely peeved.
Needless to say, I'm looking forward to new opportunities where my schedule is more guaranteed, so I won't have to worry so much about what's ahead that I forsake the hear and now. Hopefully by June, I won't have to worry about this anymore.

Happy Birthday, Liv!

Enjoy your day! In your honor, I had an oreo cookie ice cream pie with a chocolate ice cream sandwich...mmm...doesn't beat sushi at Kimi's, though. I hope you pig out and gain five pounds like I did for my birthday festivities. :)

More Birthday Presents!

Yay, my birthday gift to myself arrived today! I pooled all of my birthday money together, and bought myself a necklace from Tiffany & Co. :)
I'm so happy with it, because I finally have a necklace I can wear daily (it's a choker style; dangly necklaces break out my skin), and it's so shiny!
I usually never spend my birthday monies on myself; in the past, it would just sit in the bank account, eventually going towards responsible things like rent. But this year, Mark insisted that I spend my money on overly expensive and frivolous things. I didn't need convincing, as I was lusting after Tiffany's collar necklaces for 4 years (when the heart toggle necklace was oh-so trendy). I will update with a picture of me wearing my necklace :)

Spring cleaning

Boy, do I have a LOT of stuff. The stupid thing is, if, instead of purchasing the worthless crap that I did, I had placed the money into savings, I would probably have the downpayment to a house by now. Or at least have a bit of savings. I blame being in a "spending" environment, working in a mall. Otherwise, I wouldn't normally be there, as I hate shopping. If I had the means, I would be one of those people who would pay a personal shopper to shop for them.
Anyways, I find myself with a lot of useless stuff because I end up buying in my store just to make my sales plans, and that's really not smart. Frequently, I end up buying gifts, or want to try new things. But, I remember that I don't use synthetic products anymore because my skin doesn't like it, and so I end up having a lot of unused products still in their original shopping bag. What a waste. That and I get a lot of stuff from my mom who buys random items, hoping, I think, that one of her purchases may be something I would wear. If I ever have children, instead of buying them toys or other uselessness, I would like money to be donated into their college fund or other wealth-building account. The annual trip to Goodwill/Salvation Army ought to be fun.
I need a few more bits of furniture before my room can feel organized, but with the recent addition of a bookcase/dresser, I have a lot more open floorspace. Just one step closer to the de-clutter I need so I can concentrate on reading/writing.

Self-Assessments

Today I had to hand in my self-assessment at work to facilitate a quarterly coaching moment with my store manager, and ultimately, help her write my formal annual review. I'm not going to go into the whole lunacy of writing a subjective review, feeling out whether I'm an outstanding associate (1) or a failure to meet requirements (5).
It was somewhat easy writing my self-assessment since I feel more comfortable in my role as a comanager, as opposed to last year when I'd only been promoted to that role for three months. That, and I had my previous reviews in hand to help me judge where I've been and how I've improved. Of course, as I was writing my review, I started getting annoyed at my previous manager who rated me as "does not meet expectations" (4) on two items in my last year's review. How annoying was that. And the worst part was that I helped her along in that belief because I told her that I didn't feel comfortable in the whole hiring process and felt that I deserved a 4 rating, understanding that I was a part-time manager for 9 months would of the "grading period" where my only role in the hiring process was scheduing applicants for interviews, and that by the time I was promoted as a comanager, our holiday hiring was already finished. Regardless of all that, I made sure to give myself the benefit of the doubt this year, and just let the store manager come down harshly on her own inklings. Not that I'm concerned; I'm a lot more comfortable in my role and the feedback that I've gotten on my performance is solidly good, including hints that I'll be "promoted" into a higher volume store soon. We'll see.

So I'm 26...

...rather, I turned 26 last week. I was lucky enough to go back home to Long Island for a week: I didn't have much planned, all I really cared about was eating at Carmine's (Upper West Side) for my birthday dinner. With working the crazy hours of retail, the simple pleasures of sitting around and talking with family and friends, sleeping in, and watching TV are very valuable to me. Most of the time, my family kept asking if I wanted to do anything, go anywhere, etc; as if sitting around all day and hanging out at home were a waste of time. Believe me, having time to just sit and breathe and soak in the undemanding quiet presence of "home" is my contentment. It almost makes me want to be a stay at home fill-in-the-blank. Almost. [N.B. To those who filled in the above "blank" with "mom", the only thing I'm even remotely considering birthing is The Great American Novel. Speaking of which, Liv recommends that I read Thomas-Wolfe-not-to-be-confused-with-Tom-Wolfe for novel writing inspiration. Maybe I should read both...]
Although I was quite passive about the things that I did in NY, I was very adamant about eating all of my favorite foods before. So, the week can more or less be described as "the countdown of Liza's favorite foods, in no particular order." I absolutely needed to eat bagels, pizza, sushi (and other seafood), lasagna, steak, and Filipino foods, with a smattering of Chinese. And with that, a couple gallons of Bubble Tea (Black tea with tapioca) from Mark and my favorite Tea house in Chinatown, Teariffic Cafe (ludicrous name, I know), formerly, Tea and Tea. Looking back on my week, aside from some garnishes that accompanied my meals, like seaweed, I didn't eat any vegetables of substance that entire week. Hm. Good thing I have a treadmill at home to run on and a tub of spinach that I can munch on to counterbalance my decadent, near libidinous, carnivorous tendencies. Ironically, most of my co-workers think I'm a vegetarian. I really don't know where they may have gotten that silly notion. When I think of common vegetarians (those who just avoid meat rather than expert vegetarians who, surprisingly, eat vegetables, etc), I think of malnourished, sickly looking, un-muscled females, who may or may not wash their hair because it's falling out in clumps from their vitamin deficiency. I may seem vain, but I can't see myself in that group.
Alas, the one hitch in the entire week was getting confirmation from Lola's doctor that Lola did indeed have liver cancer, and has only 4-5 months to live. Fortunately, Lola is in good spirits, and seems to look forward to spending the rest of her days in the Philippines. I can't wait to visit her in Cali, but how bittersweet that will be, knowing it's the last time I'll be seeing her (Presumably. she may outlive us all. I wouldn't be surprised.)
I think the best part of my trip to the Island was that, when some vacations seem to go by too quickly, this one seemed to stretch out for a month. And that was the best birthday present I could ask for: time. That, and the Tiffany & Co. necklace that will be delivered no later than Friday. Hee hee.