"The Gift" and Sunny Days

I’m not necessarily superstitious. I believe that if I set myself up for success, and make good, educated decisions, then I should achieve the results that I want to achieve. And, for the most part, this has been the method by which I have achieved all that I’ve wanted to achieve so far in my life.

I am no stranger to accountability, and feel that whatever results that I get, I was more or less responsible for those results, because I made the choices that got me to those results. Therefore, if I don’t like the results, then I need to change my approach, or better yet, increase my learning curve, so that I can change behaviors midstream, and avoid the result that I want to avoid, and head towards the ones that I wish to achieve. Simple, practical, logical (albeit long-winded, whew!).

However, there are just days when I feel like the stars align, the planets are in their right houses, and no matter what happens, it’s going to be a good day. I kinda feel that way when my Pandora Radio Dashboard Confessional station starts spitting out songs that I like (love). I kinda liken this phenomenon the way a person with OCD may use a random number generator. Too many odd numbers, and he may not want to leave his apartment. For me, if I hear a song that I love, then I know it will be a good day. If I hear a string of songs I love, then it will be an exceptionally good day, no matter what else happens. The clouds part, the sun shines triumphantly, and a chorus of angels choreographs the dance of woodland creatures skipping gaily across my yard for my amusement. However, if I need to skip songs often, or worse, move to a different station because of frustration towards my DC station (rather than because I want to hear a different mood of music), then I know my writing will suffer because of it, and I will have a bad day. Cue clouds, thunder, and a raccoon smearing his disease-ridden poo across my picture window. Sigh.

I know that sounds border line crazy, and I try not to think of it too much, because like I’ve said, I’m the master of my own choices, and if I choose to overcome, then I will and that is all that matters. It just would make things a lot easier if the universe decides to play nice, and give me more of those brilliant days of sunshine and rainbows. Like, everyday. That’s all I’m saying.

List of songs that if Pandora had a “Love” icon with a pulsating heart rather than just a “Like” thumbs-up icon, I would surely press: (in no particular order)

“The Gift” -- Angels and Airwaves (what played this morning) :)
“Chasing Cars” – Snow Patrol
“Collide” – Howie Day
“Make Damn Sure” – Taking Back Sunday
“Sleeping to Dream” – Jason Mraz
“Fix You” – Coldplay

…and most Dashboard Confessional songs, because, really, it’s their “station” that I have it set to. I have “Love” songs on my other stations, too, but I always start my day listening to this station because it has been with me since I decided back in April 2009 that I will write, and that I can do it. Now, it helps with my recommitment goal. The rest of this month will be dedicated to developing background, research, plotting and characterization, and my goal of 100,000 words will commence on June 1.

If I ever doubted that I wanted to do this, I just have to remember the feeling that I had when I woke up this morning, before my alarms went off. The sun was streaming through the windows, and my mind woke up before my body, and immediately I couldn’t wait to get to creating my world. I remember that line from Bad Boys 2: “he gets up early for this s__t!” And, being able to wake up pre-alarm, restless to start that day, I knew that this was mine. This is the world that I belong to, and I am thankful that I have discovered what it is that I love doing. I don’t claim to be the best writer or that I would be published. I just know, really know, that I love to write, and that at the end of 100,000 words, a story of mine will be complete, and I’ll be on to the next one. My goal is not to be published, but to finish a story. And, if I happen to get published because of it, then awesome. If not, then great. That’s not going to stop me, because I’m out to accomplish my little goals right now, not my big goals, and since my little goals are helping me to maintain my sanity, they are my focus. Follow the steps I laid out for myself. Finish my story. This time, I know I can do it.

[PS: I took a bit of a hiatus from active writing because I lost my focus and drive with the crunch of the holiday season and my desire to begin my 30s in tiptop health. Looking back, I saw that focusing on my health first has given me the ability to focus on this, my second priority. Plus, I now have tools to give me greater endurance and stamina, along with an outlet for stress and frustrations. Nothing refocuses my mind better than a good weight training session.]