One of my associates at work is also a high school English and Drama teacher for Anderson High School. This past week, she brought in a couple of essays, which were a pastiche of the worst sentences from actual essays submitted by her students. The objective of these essays was to analyze specific characters from the movies, Dead Poet’s Society and Beauty and the Beast (the Disney animated version). Oh boy. After reading those essays, I wept, both from convulsing, hysterical laughter and from the knowledge that these students are the future of this country. God, save us all.
Without further ado, here are my favorite snippets. I tried to be as faithful to the grammatical errors as possible. Thank you Tiffany, for making my day, week, month, and for making me grateful that I chose not to be a teacher.
“In the movie Dead Poets Society everybody doesn’t think for them selves.”
“The Poets Society club was of campus in a cage that was across the stream.”
“…because he all about negative things.”
“Him being at Welton is at stake.”
“Todd felt like he couldn’t live up to his brother’s standers.”
“Todd rely say anything unless someone was talking to him.”
“Other people reaction to Todd probably was to engorge him.”
“His name is Mr. Keating and the tells them to “to Seize Of The Moment” so the start to do that then he join a group call “Dead Poets Society”.
[By far, the most egregious error, considering the movie pivots around that climactic “Carpe Diem!…Seize the Day!” moment.]
“The Walton School doesn’t want them to do that because Todd best friend die, and supposable Mr. Keating is the to blame so they get ride of him.”
“The change will be permanent because he’s dead now.” [hahaha!]
“He is away talking and teaching how to seize the day and do make you life extrondaly.” [what??]
I could continue, but those had to be the highlights of my reading pleasure. I could also put some snippets of my favorites from the Beauty and the Beast essay, but I brought it back to my store before making any notes from it. I do, however, remember that the first line said that the movie took place somewhere in France sometime in the past somewhere, and that another line said that it took place in a village in “Fracne” but I can’t seem to remember past that since I could barely read it, I was laughing so hard.
My life is so humdrum boring at times, with my repetitive retail environment rife with petty complaints and squabbles, that I’ve been able to see the joy in these random little snippets. Either that, or my perceptions have gotten warped over the years that I see everything around me in an ironic sense.
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